Sis, Are Your Relationships Reflecting Your Best Self?
Ladies, come on in and take a seat in this virtual circle of tea, truth, and a little tough love. A close friend of mine recently hit me up for advice on her romantic life—or more accurately, her series of romantic frustrations. You know the story—putting in all the emotional labor while being met with "bare minimum Brad." She felt like she kept attracting men who were either immature, non-committal, or just...not it. I listened, we laughed, and yes, we dissected every DM she regretted answering at 11 p.m.
But then, as I thought about her situation, something clicked. What if it’s not just about the men (or the clowns—unless you’re Britney Spears LOL, stay away from the circus) we’re attracted to? What if it’s about the energy we’re putting out and who’s mirroring it back to us? And it’s not just about romantic relationships—it’s about all relationships. Because here’s the spiritual tea, Sis: everyone in your life is reflecting something back to you. The question is, do you like what you see?
The Law of Mirrors
Every relationship is a mirror, reflecting back parts of YOU—your energy, your mindset, and your intentions. For the longest time, I attracted what I settled for. All my friendships had the same routine. We went to the same places, had the same tired conversations, and stayed firmly stuck in our comfort zones. I wanted more—more fulfillment, more excitement, more life. One day, I decided to stop blaming them (bless their hearts) and start looking inward.
I began curating my relationships like one of those fancy art galleries I always dreamed of visiting. I threw out invitations to try new activities—museum days, creative classes, quirky city events. Were my initial suggestions met with blank stares? Absolutely. Did I keep pushing? You KNOW this empress did. Eventually, I started to find my people—the ones who shared my curiosity, my zeal for growth, and my “yes, girl, take that leap!” energy.
These relationships became powerful mirrors of who I aspired to be—someone adventurous, intentional, and vibrant. The beauty is, your mirror doesn’t have to reflect the past version of you. It can illuminate the fabulous, elevated vision you’re crafting with every choice you make.
Actionable Tip — Expand Your Social Horizons
List three activities you’ve always been curious about, like aerial yoga, poetry slam nights, or cooking classes.
Commit to signing up solo if no one in your current circle is interested. Trust me, the magic happens when you step out on your own.
Join interest-based groups—book clubs, hiking meetups, or anything tied to your passions.
The right people are out there, already vibing on your wavelength. All you’ve got to do is show up.
What Do You Really Want?
Let’s talk about clarity, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. When I was dating (chile, nearly 20 years ago!), I didn’t have a clue what I wanted. All I knew was I wanted “fun.” And guess what? I got just that—fun but fleeting, with no depth or direction. I kept meeting charming guys who could turn up the party but didn’t show up for me.
After one particularly underwhelming “date” (where gum counted as a gift), I said enough. I sat myself down and made a checklist. My ideal partner? Generous, body of an NFL player (yes, I was quite specific), funny, loving me for me, and—this was big—having a car to take me places. Was it a little extra? Sure. But I was clear, and that clarity changed everything.
Not long after, I met my now-husband. Sis, he checked every box and then some. Funny thing, he had his own list, too. And we spent time showing each other how well we aligned. Now, don’t get it twisted—we’re not a “perfect” match, but we’re two intentional people who make it work, flaws and all.
Here’s the tea: if you don’t know what you want, how will you recognize it when it finds you? Clarity isn’t just helpful; it’s essential. Be bold, be specific, and trust your vision.
Actionable Tip — Journal for Clarity
Reflect on patterns in your connections—what do they teach you about yourself?
Ask yourself what energy you bring to relationships—are you showing up fully?
Get specific about what you want more (and less) of in the people around you.
Clarity starts within. Taking time to pinpoint your needs and desires will naturally shift the energy you attract.
Turn the Mirror on Yourself First
Here’s the thing about mirrors—they don’t lie. They reflect exactly what’s in front of them. When we neglect our own needs or spend all our energy trying to fix others, we end up inviting relationships that mirror that same imbalance. Trust me, I learned this the hard way. I used to give endlessly to a friend who couldn’t even remember my birthday. It stung, but what stung more was realizing that I was the one allowing it by ignoring what I deserved. Admitting that my over giving was draining me wasn’t easy, but it was the wake-up call I needed to finally shift my focus inward and start my real healing.
That’s when I decided to romance myself. I committed to doing exactly what I wanted to do—no compromises. I started planning outings to my favorite brunch spots, the kind with the perfect mimosas and vibes. I signed myself up for courses to invest in my growth and boost my skills. And, honey, I made self-care non-negotiable. Regular beauty rituals like trips to the salon, getting my nails done, and waxing became sacred acts of self-love. At first, it felt indulgent, even a little awkward, but it didn’t take long to realize just how empowering it was to unapologetically pour into myself.
Rediscovering ME was the best gift I could’ve given.
Actionable Tip — Date Yourself
Plan a solo date to explore a new restaurant, museum, or activity you’ve been curious about.
Dedicate time to hobbies that intrigue you, whether it’s painting, hiking, or learning an instrument.
Challenge yourself to do something new each month that feels a little outside your comfort zone.
Fill your own cup first, and watch how you start attracting people who celebrate the spark you’ve reignited.
Building Through Passion
Finding your true self isn’t just a cute cliché—it’s the foundation of every healthy connection in your life. That’s where passion comes in. When you focus on doing the things that light up your soul, you’ll naturally emanate the kind of energy that attracts equally lit people.
Volunteering is one way to connect your passion with purpose. At Girls on the Run, I’ve embraced my role as a mentor, helping young girls uncover their star power. Watching them step into their confidence and their voices lifts my spirit in a way I can’t describe. Giving back mirrors my values and reminds me to stay rooted in them.
Actionable Tip — Volunteer or Explore Hobbies
Check out organizations like Girls on the Run to find opportunities to empower and grow alongside others.
Try that hobby you’ve been putting off—pottery, salsa dancing, or birdwatching—to meet yourself in new ways.
Align your passions with activities that connect your joy to a deeper purpose.
Passion is where the magic happens. When you pour energy into what lights you up, you’ll reflect a life filled with purpose and joy—and that glow is contagious.
The Final Reflective Thought
Sis, remember this—the mirror doesn’t decide your worth. YOU do. It’s simply a tool to help you understand the patterns, actions, and beliefs shaping your relationships. The moment you start valuing and loving yourself, you’ll find relationships that do the same.
Polish your mirror, stand tall, and own your glow. The right reflections—and the right people—are waiting for you. 👑✨
Take the first step toward owning your glow—start by redefining how you see yourself. Take a moment today to look in the mirror, not for its judgment, but to recognize your strength, beauty, and worth. Commit to one act of self-love and watch how it transforms your world. You are worthy of the right reflections and the right people. ✨ Own your power, sis. Your time is now! 💖 #PolishYourGlow #ClaimYourWorth
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